Year: 2017

Monologue

I find myself here every once in a while. A place of self-deprecating sorrow and paper thin vulnerability. In these moments I feel much like a child with a flimsy sense of self, hanging on the approving words and looks of others, aiming to please.  Every personal negative trait, flaw, mistake, downfall circles endlessly on a conveyer belt for me and all others to see. In my worst moments, all the disapproving words, implied criticism from others are true. They are right,  I am not enough… At this moment all my accomplishments are just an attempt to eclipse, the deep and harsh reality that I am not enough. The façade collapses and I am empty vessel filled with self-pity. I gather some strength to rebuttal that I am enough! But I am fearful its just another eclipse of the truth. My wisest self is graceful and gentle. My wisest self reminds me YES the truth is I am both flawed and wonderful at the same time. Why cant the duality coexist in one? She asks. My wisest self accepts and …